Recent Articles

Recent Articles By Mike Seely

National Features

  • Cleveland Scene
    Dangerous Liaisons

    Another by-product of the privatization of the Iraq War: sexual assault.

    By Lisa Rab
  • Seattle Weekly
    The DUI King

    Meet Bob Castle, a drunk who always seems to find a way to drive.

    By Rick Anderson
  • City Pages
    "How Can This Stuff Be Legal?"

    Take a toke of Salvia Divinorum and you'll wonder, too.

    By Matt Snyders
  • OC Weekly
    Teacher's Pests

    Targeted by Bill O'Reilly, James Corbett isn't the first educator to face the wrath of OC conservatives.

    By Gustavo Arellano and Daffodil J. Altan

Tami's dad, Roger Fister, spent ten years in the St. Louis Cardinals' farm system. Her grandfather played in the Detroit Tigers' system. Her brother, Sean "The Beast" Fister, is a long-drive world champion who can hit a golf ball 444 yards. (Perhaps not by coincidence, Tyler slugs his driver 360 yards.) And Gene Hansbrough rises at 6 a.m. daily to play pickup hoops with the likes of Webmaster Richard Browne at Three Rivers C.C., the same place where a raw young swingman named Latrell Sprewell began his circuitous route to NBA stardom.

Notwithstanding the empty quick-and-easy-meal boxes that dot his kitchen countertops, with company staying for supper Gene takes great pains to barbecue steaks and cook red beans and rice from scratch. Meanwhile, the boys do what boys do: ogle Jessica Simpson on cable from leather-recliner perches in the family room. As the brothers voice their approval of the pop star's lofty position on VH1's "Hot 100" countdown of celebrity foxes, buddy Phillip Brown sits in the adjacent den, surfing the Internet.

But Brown isn't in search of hot nude shots of Jessica Simpson. He's perusing the Hansbroughs' conveniently bookmarked recruiting Web sites -- Rivals.com, TheInsidersHoops.com, HoopScooponline.com -- and calling out the current status of Tyler's position in the ever-fluctuating nationwide rankings of the class of '05.

As with smut, the obsessive-compulsive lightning of the roundball-recruiting milieu has been bottled by Internet entrepreneurs. Just as a quick Google search can yield scores of options for sating one's craving for porn, hundreds of sites are dedicated to the NCAA niche. Yearn to learn the latest speculation surrounding which dormitory Tyler Hansbrough will occupy in Chapel Hill? You can Google the guy, no problem. Along the way you'll discover that his dream date is Christina Aguilera, that he palled around with Michael Jordan in Chapel Hill and that the coaching staff at Mizzou staged a cheesy jersey retirement ceremony in an attempt to butter him up.

"The trip to Cancun cinched it for the Tar Heels," writes a Tigerboard.com poster who claims to be an insider and operates under the moniker VoiceOfReason. "It gave Tyler time to analyze the whole situation. Tyler really enjoyed his time with Roy Williams, and Gene didn't mind hanging out with Roy and Michael Jordan. I've seen places where people are saying Gene is the one who made the decision. That's incorrect. Tyler made the decision with some guidance from Gene. I can't place any blame on Gene because he was only looking out for his son. Tyler is a Tarheel [sic]. Let's accept that and move on!"

On this day earlier in the summer, Phillip Brown finds Tyler ranked anywhere from second to eighth in the country. Only a few weeks later, after dominating Alabama schoolboy Richard Hendrix on the trip to the AAU Peach Jam, he'll be a near-consensus number one among prep players nationwide.

With the steaks nearly done, Brown and the brothers Hansbrough figure they can sneak in a quick game of Flyer's Up with a miniature football before it's time to eat. Out on sleepy Autumn Road, Ben and Greg needle Tyler for his inability to throw a football as far as Peyton Manning. This is one area where Ben outstrips his more famous brother. Compelled to choose basketball over football in grade eight, he still has a cannon for a right arm, thrusting the tiny ball well beyond his competing receivers' reach near a fence in the neighbor's front yard. Then it's off to the dinner table.

"Nice work, Dad," Ben teases as he tries to figure out which screening of Spider-Man 2 to take in at the multiplex after dinner. "This is way better than Hot Pockets."

Tyler wonders if his father wouldn't mind grilling some hot dogs for dessert.

The good doctor obliges.

When Larry Bird opined that the NBA is a black man's game that needs more white stars to cultivate a fan base, the statement created a hardy initial media buzz, but his words were perhaps more notable for the lack of negative reaction they generated. Magic Johnson and other black stars quickly defended the legendary Celtic's remarks (including his assertion that he took offense when guarded by white players) as a bold statement of fact.

Tyler Hansbrough concurs, as does his St. Louis Eagles head coach, Erwin Claggett (who is black).

"Larry Bird is Larry Bird," says Claggett, who coaches the McCluer High School boys' team during the school year. "I understood exactly where he was coming from."

"I feel the same way," says Tyler. "But if you've got game, you've got game."

Tyler Hansbrough's got game, though there are deficiencies in his arsenal. (In fact, he goes so far as to jot down his shortcomings after each tournament.) Still in need of improvement are his perimeter moves, outside shooting, on-ball defense and a nagging habit of dribbling unnecessarily before shooting from close range, which often allows opponents to foul him before he can convert an easy two.

One critique trumpeted by Web pundits rings false: that Tyler lacks athleticism. Any kid who can execute a between-the-legs-in-midair helicopter slam to win his state tournament's dunk contest does not want for raw athletic ability. The critique is lazy, an age-old stereotype of the white basketball player that's as stale as calling black football quarterbacks dumb.

If anything, says Eagles assistant Eric Long, Tyler should maybe open himself up to the prospect of playing more pickup games (according to Gene Hansbrough, Tyler loathes them, in contrast to Ben). Doing so when there's nothing on the line would allow him to experiment and to improve the instinctive nature of his game.

"Tyler's not a fluid athlete," Long elaborates. "He's more of a mechanical athlete. He needs a go-to move in the post, but he'll run through a wall to get better."

That's what makes Hansbrough the number-one player in his class -- and what makes that ranking so peculiar. Most top-ranked prep stars -- like, say, LeBron James and Dwight Howard, the NBA draft's last two number-one picks -- are jaw-dropping athletic specimens who will improve via maturity and refinement of their raw talent.

The NBA has never plucked a player like Tyler Hansbrough directly from the high-school ranks.

Write Your Comment show comments (1)
  1. Ben could have done better if he picked the right school first.

Riverfront Times Insiders

  • Local food, music and news blasts
  • Free Stuff