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Best of Street Talk 2004

Week of December 29, 2004

By Wm. Stage 

Cookie Hammond
Gospel Singer
What's the Worst Pain You've Experienced?
[January 21]
"I can't do the anal sex thing! I don't know where everybody gets off doing that. That's the most horrible pain in the world, somebody sticking that thing up there -- it's not right! It's the exit; you exit out of that place there. It's not supposed to be an entrance."

Joshua Conyers
Genome Researcher, Washington University
School of Medicine
What Situation or Oddity Would You Pay to See?
[February 18]
"I'd pay to see George W. Bush in a tricked-out S&M den, like a cellar with chains and handcuffs and whips all around. He's captive, strung up, nothing on but his tighty-whities, and he's crying, about to get 'the treatment' from some robust Teuton dressed in lederhosen."

Elvis "Stinkeye" Kennedy
Guitar/Backup Vocals, the Dead Celebrities
Which Public Figure Are You Most Concerned About? [March 3]
"Actually, I'm concerned about Jason Hutto, singer for the Phonocaptors. He likes to eat raw chicken, and that's just plain crazy. I try telling him, 'Jason, don't be a culinary daredevil.' But he doesn't listen. I'm like, 'Dude, there's way more other ways you can do that -- go get a whore off Washington Avenue, play hopscotch on Highway 40, just stop eating that sushi chicken!'"

Mona Thompson
Waitress, Harry's Bar & Grill
Are Americans Overly Concerned with Personal Hygiene? [August 25]
"Yes! There's lots of important, fun things out there to do, and if I hear one more time, 'I can't go out with you; I have to shave tonight,' I'm gonna kill myself. Chicks, you'd think they spend all their time in the bathroom."

Jack "The Magic Man" Sinn
Liquor Promoter/"Captain Morgan" for Southern Illinois
Who Is the Sexiest Public Figure in St. Louis? [November 3]
"That psychotic nutcase from the St. Louis school board that put a curse on the mayor and poured a pitcher of water on a colleague and any other completely insane antics that she pulled. She's sexy in a sick kind of way; I mean, if she's that nutty out in public, she's probably really wild in bed. I think she needs a good shagging to get her hormones back in balance."

Wm. Stage
Riverfront Times contributor
Dear Readers,
It's been a long haul, but as the spiritual Beatle said, "All things must pass." Please know that I never grew tired of "Street Talk," nor did I ever underestimate its effect on the many people who agreed to trust me with their words and let me snap a candid portrait. I only hope I was able to make people smile, guffaw, ponder, chuckle or merely shake their heads. See you on down the trail.