Most Popular
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Thousand Dollar Baby: By day Jamie O'Hare studies for a master's in social work. Her night job is anything but.
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Hot Contender: If looks count, Sarah Steelman may be your next governor
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John Ray used to own a tavern in Benton Park. Now he lives in Quincy and dabbles in conspiracy theory.
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Grand Old Patty: Ian goes on a beefy binge at Burger Bar and Sub Zero New American Burger Restaurant
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Dora Magrath was blessed with a beautiful voice. She's gone, but you can still hear it.
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Seeing Red: Partners battle over a Wash. Ave. eatery's ownership (17)
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Unreal puts "Jorts & Mandals Day" initiative on the back burner, weighs in on Saint Louis Fashion Week (13)
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Red Alert: Everything they really don't want you to know about those pesky traffic-light cameras (12)
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Hot Contender: If looks count, Sarah Steelman may be your next governor (3)
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Can Taqueria los Tarascos' tacos make you feel homesick for a place you've never lived? Si! (2)
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Thousand Dollar Baby: By day Jamie O'Hare studies for a master's in social work. Her night job is anything but.
-
Hot Contender: If looks count, Sarah Steelman may be your next governor
-
John Ray used to own a tavern in Benton Park. Now he lives in Quincy and dabbles in conspiracy theory.
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E-Mix: André Anjos and the Remix Artist Collective leverage initiative, ingenuity and the Internet into an online music force
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The Cards aren't likely to challenge for the pennant this year. In a way, that'll make them all the more interesting to watch.
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Sommelier Chris Hoel Splits for California
10:28AM 04/05/08 -
Go! 4/4-4/6
06:29PM 04/04/08 -
Len, "Steal My Sunshine" Video
04:05PM 04/05/08 -
St. Louis Band Scramble 2008: At Off Broadway Saturday, May 10
06:00PM 04/04/08 -
Weekend News: Sommelier Chris Hoel Splits for California
10:26AM 04/05/08 -
Congratulations to Drink of the Week!
05:04PM 04/04/08
What we are writing about
- 7-Up
- A Closer Walk with...
- Araka
- Central West End...
- COCA
- Cory Spinks
- Craft Alliance
- foie gras
- Kevin Kline Awards
- Ludo
- Mensa
- Mexican cuisine
- Mosaic
- musicals
- Othello
- Playstation
- RFT DJ Spin-off
- sexual harassment
- St. Louis theater
- The Black Rep
- The Ghost of the Forest
- Three Monkeys
- Tuesdays with Morrie
- University City
- Vashon High School
- Washington University
- White Flag Projects
- Wii
- Xbox
- ~scape
National Features
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Miami New Times
The Murder of Master Do
In a city plagued by killings, the most perplexing death is that of a killer.
ByTamara Lush -
SF Weekly
Pitching "Woo-Woo"
He'll find you a parking space and even watch your car--if the meter maids let him.
By Ashley Harrell -
Nashville Scene
Spank the Honkey
The victim of a racial slur exacts a special kind of retribution.
By P.J. Tobia -
Broward-Palm Beach New Times
Spring Break is Still Awesome
Try as it might, Ft. Lauderdale still can't shake America's die-hard partiers.
By Michael J. Mooney
Broke Bat Mountain
Continued from page 1
Published: March 8, 2006
"The Phoenix"
www.jayrey.blogspot.com
Author: The Phoenix
About the blogger: The Phoenix describes himself as a 33-year-old resident of "Phoenixville, Missouri." His sometimes-satirical blog entries focus on the paranormal and the bizarre, or both, such as the excerpt that follows, an interview with "Bob," an alien-abduction survivor.
Recent Highlight (February 14): Bob: "The Doctor" takes out this long tool, with a glowin' ball at the end of it. He tells me to relax.
Phoenix: Were you relaxed?
Bob: Hell no! Some little alien is playin' with my shrunk John, and now he's gonna stick that glowin' ball thing up my ass.
Phoenix: How did you know he was going to do that?
Bob: Because them little aliens moved me onto my stomach. I didn't think that little glowin' ball was gonna massage my sore back or somethin' like that. I wanted to jump up and run, but I couldn't. That's when I started to scream.
Phoenix: How did they react to your screaming?
Bob: They didn't care. "The Doctor" shoves that ball thing up my ass, and man...it's really hot. I could feel my ass hairs being burnt off. And this weird warmin' sensation starts fillin' up my crotch.
Phoenix: Dear God, maybe I don't want to hear this.
Bob: So they're done with that, flip me back over. And I'm alone in the room.
Phoenix: So you're alone, on the table still...
Bob: Right. My ass hurts, my crotch is on fire. But I still can't move. I closed my eyes, tryin' to move my legs. It was no use. When I opened my eyes, this hot blond chick is standin' over me.
Phoenix: A hot chick?
Bob: She was damn hot, like Pamela Anderson. She's upside down to me, but I know she was good lookin.' At that instant, I could finally move my body.
Phoenix: So you jumped up and ran?
Bob: No way. This lady was nekkid! She didn't talk neither, but I could hear her in my head tellin' me I was cute and that she wanted me. The burnin' in my crotch was still there, but I wasn't shriveled no more. In fact, I was ready to go.
Know of an Unreal-worthy local blog?
Send the URL to unreal@riverfronttimes.com
