Arts & Entertainment

To the Extreme!

By Mr. Night & Ms. Day 

Last year Mr. Night and Ms. Day encountered the Segway and found it much to their liking. The two-wheeled, self-balancing wonder scooter of the future suits the Night & Day lifestyle perfectly. It's fun and kicky, it runs off an electric charge, and you'd pretty much have to be an idiot to fall off of it (insert link to George W. Bush's Segway-related mishap here). But there was one thing we found lacking in the mighty Segway. It's such a minor quibble that we hesitated even bringing it up last time, but now, we can avoid it no longer: The original Segway is a paved-road vehicle — and Mr. Night leads a life that our editor in chief has dubbed "off the beaten path." And despite her sophisticated and lovely outward appearance, Ms. Day also enjoys (and we quote) "four-wheelin' down Zombie Road."

We bad, son. Bad like the dropsy.

But now Segway has caught up to us. The new models are designed for the golf course (the Segway GT) and for off-roading (that would be the Segway XT). And the Saint Louis Science Center (5050 Oakland Avenue; 314-289-4400 or www.slsc.org) unveils these new editions at noon today during the free Lunch & Learn: The New Segway Models program. Ms. Day, your thoughts on the new Segway XT, vis-à-vis Zombie Road?

Ms. Day: Since it's hard to type while in a GMC Jimmy (whoo-hoo!), all Ms. Day can say is that if she gets her hands on one of these fancy new Segways, she'll be doing more than taking a visit to the smooth-sailin', pretty-grassed golf course, yessirree. She'll definitely want to see how that bad boy handles, and how it can take....

Uh-oh, it seems we've lost the connection with Day; hope the other "Hill" didn't live up to its name — those damned zombies seem to be everywhere these days!

Anywho, we want new off-roadin' Segways. With their fat, knobby tires and their ability to scoot twelve and a half miles per hour, the XTs are exactly what N&D Global Industries needs to keep the "global" in our name. Maybe when Village Voice Media buys us matching XTs, we'll become X-N&DGI. Need we point out that the "X" is for "X-treme," bee-yotch?
Thu., April 6