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Zombie Road

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Town Talk: Unreal responds!
They say the only reason anybody reads a local newspaper anymore is to find out who kicked the bucket. Faithful readers of the Lee Enterprises-owned South Side Journal, however, would certainly hasten to differ. Two four-letter words for ya: town talk.

As in, "Town Talk," the newspaper's weekly annals of knuckleheadedness expressed in anonymous dispatches. From presidential endorsements for Judge Judy to calls for publicly funded pooper scoopers, the south siders' unfettered editorializing has nothing and everything to do with any 63- zip code.

We're sure polite readers simply pinch themselves and carry on with their morning constitutionals. Not Unreal. We're about more than shits 'n' giggles. Which explains why we sat up in bed and spat out our espresso when a September 19 Town Talker's outpouring prompted the Journal to offer a response:

"I'm calling about Kohl's department store. I want them to know they are bugging a lot of people because all they do is put ads everyday in the papers. I am so sick of their ads. Don't they have anything better to do then put ads in the paper? I am so sorry you came to St. Louis. I wish you would get out and quit putting ads in my paper.

"Editor's note: If Kohl's doesn't advertise, how will the store attract customers?"

Without further ado, this week we introduce an occasional Unreal feature:

From the September 26 edition:

Why should blacks act white and why should whites act black? We're what we are. Why put on an act? Im tired of hearing yo from the white people and yo from the black people. We're white. We're black. Stop putting on an act.

Unreal responds! Join a mosque with the brown people.

LOCAL BLOG O THE WEEK "My St. Louis" stlouishistory.blogspot.com

Author: David Udell

About the blogger: Udell appears to be a member of a group called POPS (Parachutists Over Phorty Society) and describes his blog as "[a] personal history of St. Louis and a memoir I hope my kids don't find until after I die."

Recent Highlight (August 25): Stories My Brother Told Me 1

Like I said, my brother is full of shit, but I love his stories.

He swore he once took a fondue fork, inserted it into his urethra, impaled and extracted a round, black, shiny bug.

A fondue fork? Hey, kids! Wanna know more about fondue? Check out Ian Froeb's review of Simply Fondue in this week's issue. Yep, this is what we in the news biz call "synergy"! And if you know of an Unreal-worthy local blog, send the URL to unreal@riverfronttimes.com.