News

Unreal News Challenge 2007

Continued from page 1

Match the public figure with the quote:
10) Larry Salci, ex-president and CEO of Metro. B
11) Michael Devlin, ex-pizzeria manager and convicted pervert. C
12) Jeffery Whitteaker, truck driver and mayor of Valley Park. A
A) "You got one guy and his wife that settle down here, have a couple kids, and before long you have Cousin Puerto Rico and Taco Whoever moving in."
B) "[KTVI-TV (Channel 2) reporter Elliott Davis] fits right into St. Louis. He's a fucking clown."
C) "I don't know how I'm going to explain myself to my parents."

13) When a Wright City resident placed his Elvis Is Alive museum up for auction on eBay, which of the following items was not included?
A) A life-size casket containing a dead Elvis replica.
B) Results of a DNA test proving that the man buried at Graceland is not Elvis Presley.
C) A polyp from Elvis' liver that supplied the genetic material for the DNA test.
D) An answering-machine recording that purportedly was recorded after the King's (alleged) death.

14) Who did St. Louis Archbishop Raymond Burke not threaten with excommunication this year?
A) Bernice Krauze.
B) Stan Rozanski.
C) Rose Marie Dunn Hudson and Elsie Hainz McGrath.
D) None of the above.

15) Why did St. Louis cancel Mighty Mud Mania 2007?
A) Because city officials feared a repeat of Mighty Mud Mania 2006, at which hundreds of participants came down with folliculitis, an infection of the hair follicles.
B) Because the city has been named as a defendant in three personal-injury lawsuits stemming from Mighty Mud Mania 2006.
C) Because a drought left the city without enough water to make mud.
D) You try getting those mud and grass stains out of your kid's britches.

16) What item has Cardinals outfielder Chris Duncan not been seen dry-humping on the Riverfront Times blog?
A) A bottle of Block Up! SPF 45 sunscreen.
B) The leg of the Stan Musial statue outside Busch Stadium.
C) Homer Simpson.
D) The Stanley Cup.

17) The United States Department of Agriculture fined the Saint Louis Zoo $7,500 in 2007. Why?
A) The USDA found that the zoo was serving cloned mackerel to its penguin population.
B) The USDA found that the zoo had not properly cared for two of its resident polar bears.
C) The USDA found that the zoo was running a "hyena mill," selling teacup hyenas to several A-list celebrities.
D) The USDA needed money.

18) Why is independent presidential candidate Blake Ashby running for president?
A) "Though I have no foreign-policy experience, I measure my days in spoons of espresso at Meshuggah, so I've pretty much got the Italian and Jewish vote wrapped up."
B) "My real hope is that Kucinich will tap me for veep."
C) "I'm tired of crack-smoking Republicans ruining my great country."
D) All of the above.

19) Earlier this year Laurie Flori and Rosemary Thornton ended a legal feud involving claims of defamation and plagiarism. What was the fight about?
A) The specifics of an easement between their two properties.
B) Which woman had done more research/ about the history of Sears mail-order houses.
C) Which researcher deserved top billing on a co-authored paper titled "Convergence of Multiple Signaling Pathways Is Required to Coordinately Up-regulate mtDNA and Mitochondrial Biogenesis During T Cell Activation."
D) Who coined the term "electric boogaloo."

20) Who is Jasmine Wright, and why was she running topless across the Poplar Street Bridge during the morning rush hour?
A) She's a global-warming activist who was making a public statement about our dependence on fossil fuels.
B) She's an exotic dancer who'd just beaten up a man after they had sex and he'd refused to pay her the agreed-upon amount.
C) She's a runner who took a wrong turn while training for the Spirit of St. Louis Marathon.
D) She's a BASE jumper who lost her shirt (and parachute harness) during an unsuccessful jump from the bridge.

21) What reason did former St. Louis Board of Education president Veronica O'Brien give for her school board's many problems running the district?
A) "They lack the brain capacity to run a school district."
B) "For years the city's school board has served as a platform for megalomaniacal, small-minded politicians to impose their pet causes on the city's poorest students."
C) "You know how St. Louis is highest in gonorrhea? Well, this school board proves we're highest in late-stage syphilis, too."
D) None of the above.

Match the public official with his alleged crime:
22) State Senator Jeff Smith. A
23) State Representative John Bowman. C
24) Former St. Louis public defender Eric Affholter. B
A) Using a fake ID to get into a casino.
B) Conspiracy to commit marriage fraud.
C) A credit-card scheme involving $1.2 million in fraudulent charges and cash advances.

25) The year 2007 brought reports that Anheuser-Busch was expanding its brewery operations. Which site was not mentioned in these accounts?
A) Hyderabad, India.
B) The state of Maharashtra, India.
C) Foshan, China.
D) North St. Louis County, Missouri, USA.

26) A truck filled with what overturned in downtown St. Louis last September?
A) Cattle.
B) Chicken fat.
C) Bud Light.
D) Illegal aliens fleeing Valley Park.

27) What is "noodling"?
A) A dance performed at Grateful Dead concerts, wherein the dancer appears to lack a skeleton.
B) A means of fishing for catfish by hand that was banned in Missouri in 2007.
C) The act of fiddling around on a musical instrument.
D) All of the above.

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