Most Popular
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7-Up vs. Coke Part 2
Heir to a fortune, Andrew Gladney went from John Burroughs to Yale and came home to found the dot-com darling Savvis Inc. Then he squandered it all. The spectacular flameout of a St. Louis soft-drink scion.
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Red Alert: Everything they really don't want you to know about those pesky traffic-light cameras
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Ludo is fired up and ready to play on the national stage
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Curious Gorge: Ian tests the animal magnetism of Three Monkeys
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Seeing Red: Partners battle over a Wash. Ave. eatery's ownership
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Red Alert: Everything they really don't want you to know about those pesky traffic-light cameras (10)
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Seeing Red: Partners battle over a Wash. Ave. eatery's ownership (9)
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7-Up vs. Coke Part 2 (6)
Heir to a fortune, Andrew Gladney went from John Burroughs to Yale and came home to found the dot-com darling Savvis Inc. Then he squandered it all. The spectacular flameout of a St. Louis soft-drink scion.
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Will Ian flip for the Original Pancake House? (4)
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Is a Wash. U. dean destroying alumni records and making unjust department cuts? (3)
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Have two Nirvana producers helped create the next Metallica?
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"The Sex Song": Not TASTiSKANK's homage to Matthew McConaughey
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Bret Michaels (sort of) talks dirty to RFT
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The 75s make an extra-fancy splash with its debut record
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Producer nonpareil Pharrell Williams is happy to be just one of the band again
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Boeing vs. Airbus: The Winning Bird Might Be Too Big
04:12PM 03/12/08 -
This Band Could Be Your Life, Part II: So Many Dynamos Tours to SXSW
02:06PM 03/12/08 -
Is Red Kaput?
05:55PM 03/12/08 -
This Is Hawkwind -- Do Not Panic
06:08PM 11/09/07
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Recent Articles By Ayatollah of Rock
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Critical Fatwa
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Critical Fatwa
Week of March 2, 2006
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Critical Fatwa
Week of February 16, 2006
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Critical Fatwa
Week of January 19, 2006
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Critical Fatwa
Ja Rule
National Features
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Houston Press
"It Was Like an Armageddon Movie"
For days after Hurricane Rita, a Texas prison was hell on earth.
By Chris Vogel -
SF Weekly
The Candidate
Our columnist knows Ralph Nader's running mate all too well.
By Matt Smith -
The Pitch
How Not To Be a Rap Star
First of all, lay off the Ecstasy.
By Nadia Pflaum -
Village Voice
Project Runaway
What becomes a gossip columnist most?
By Michael Musto
All hail "Are You Gonna Go My Way." That slice of '70s-meets-'90s mass-market rock was a nice break from the sour-faced caterwauling of the "alternative" years. But Lenny Kravitz has far outstayed his welcome, and now he has debased himself for Absolut vodka. For slapping on the assless chaps and walking the street, we pronounce a fatwa!
Now, we do not hold with those who yell "sellout" every time a musician dares to make a dollar. But Kravitz has debased himself by writing a song specifically for the middle-brow vodka company. The song, "Breathe," succeeds in capturing the soul of Absolut: It is music for people who don't like music, as Absolut is alcohol for people who don't like booze. The tepid, dance-beat-driven song can play while these people sip their "vodka-cran" or "cosmo" and talk of the Da Vinci Code. It can play while they dry-hump on the dance floor. It can play while they have the type of intercourse that begins with the woman lighting a scented candle.
Fatwa, Lenny! Enjoy your new career as a jingle-writer. It is quite a career trajectory. And at the end of your life, when you lay rotted by age and disease, as your final gasps of air drain from your lungs, may you hear the call of the afterlife, and may it be the opening beat of "Breathe," to play in your ears for eternity. It is written.
